angelelissa's Profile Page
Information Written by angelelissa
I am feeling the need to re-tell my story of how I got to SS. I am a housebound woman who has an incurable immune disease. Due to that, I can not be around other people or I get very ill; more so than I am on any given day, which is at baseline, ill with respiratory problems and a hoarse voice, pain and the inability to perform basic daily tasks we all take for granted. I am able to be out of bed, but have limited stamina. I was born to sing, majoring in music, but turned around and became a nurse after working as a nursing assistant for my summer job in college. I then realized that music is my soul, but I did not want to teach it, as you need to explore the technical side of the art and what I really like is to fill my soul with song. I sang all the time; for and with many people over the years. 3-4 years ago, this illness attacked my voice and body with a vengeance and left me barely able to speak and totally unable to sing a note. I had to quit my job over two years ago, after being a nurse for 30+ years. It was gut wrenching to do this, as I was the primary bread winner and loved what I did. This has caused me a huge amount of stress, as money is an ongoing issue and I worry constantly. For what ever reason and out of pure frustration, 2 falls ago I yelled at God and tried to sing and a note came out. I had nothing to lose and hopefully something to gain. I was barren and felt alone and worthless. I was over the moon with joy when that note flew from my mouth. I only had a few notes left there, but I had some. I went from being able to sing 3 octaves to a very fragmented scale. Someone told me about SS and I thought it would be perfect for me, as I can not really leave my house much, yet would be able to share singing with others and work on allowing myself to not expect my voice to be perfect. A friend graciously paid for me to join up. It took me over a month to put out my first song. I was terrified and still am every time I release a tune. My insecurity is monumental and I am heartbroken when I am reminded of what I had versus what I now have. I am learning to accept my new voice, but am easily struck down when I realize I am not who I was. I pretend it does not bother me, but inside I am full of tears and heartache. I try to make others laugh and hold them up when they are down, which fills my soul to do so. There are many great singers here and I want them to succeed, but I also would like, just once, to be the one who is thought of as worth taking a chance on and having a fan base who understands. I still grieve for the years of singing I took for granted. It is humbling and hard to lose part of your soul. I took this profile off a while ago, as I thought perhaps people would think I was looking for sympathy or using this as an excuse if things did not work out for me, but it has not really changed anything. So, here I am...dirty laundry and all once more. I have had to really search my soul and decide if I can accept what I have to offer and realized it is not how great one sings, but why. I sing bare with no toys and so wish I could find a mixer to help me enhance what I have and cover what I lack. God has placed an amazing lesson in my life. To all who sing, please thank God each day when you do, as each of us are in the position of perhaps waking one day to find our voice has become something we never anticipated. This has made me stronger, more thankful and full of joy! Today I can sing and for that, I am very blessed. May God be with you all and please know I pray each day for all the SS members and friends I have met.